365 Days After a Heart Attack

One year ago today, I had a heart attack. And what a year of ups and downs we've survived as a family. We experienced trauma, happiness, death, celebrations and thankfulness. We've learned to grow and take the road not taken. We've also learned that people express their feelings much differently in times of crisis.

Having a heart attack at age 44 is something I would have never expected - except that I have had Type I Diabetes for over 30 years. Diabetes is a silent killer that ravages many different parts of your body. The heart. Your kidneys. The eyes. Your entire circulatory system. In the past 20 years, Diabetes has taken its toll only on my eyes. I was diagnosed with Proliferative Diabetic Retinopathy about 16 years ago and have several laser treatments, two Vitrectomies and two cataract surgeries. Thankfully, my eyes are stable now and I've had no problems since my two cataract surgeries five years ago.

But then came my heart attack. It wasn't the 'clutch your chest, collapse on the floor' type of heart attack that is portrayed on TV. Yes, some people do have heart attacks like this, but mine wasn't. It was an 'I don't feel so good, mild chest discomfort, can't catch my breath and sweating' feeling. I was going to shake it off, my thankfully my wife decided to do the smart thing and take me to the ER. We are very lucky in Hays, Kansas to have a hospital with a certified chest pain center in the ER and the Michael DeBakey Heart Institute of Kansas. These two things saved my life.

People with Diabetes typically don't have the typical signs of a heart attack. Neither do women or the elderly (at least that's what my ER nurse told me as he was checking me out that day). After lots of tests, poking and prodding, a heart catheterization and a few more tests, it was determined I was to have quadruple bypass surgery - also known as Coronary Artery Bypass Grafting (CABG) the following day.

It was quite a shock to my family and friends and one hell of a shock to me! But we survived. One step at a time and one day at a time. I came home after a week in the hospital and went back to work six weeks later.

After surviving open-heart surgery, I dealt with depression and anxiety that many OHS survivors do, but tackled it pretty easily. I realized I was given a new lease on life and I am so thankful for a second chance to spend the rest of my life loving my wife and kids.

A few months after my surgery, we were able to celebrate my son, Gabriel's first communion and then a few weeks later, my nephew's graduation from college. We celebrated Memorial Day with extended family, but knew that my mother was having some health issues. The week after Memorial Day, she had minor surgery on her neck to determine the cause of extreme neck and back pain she had been experiencing the few months before. All of her tests came back ok, but she had a hard time recovering. Later in the summer, we celebrated her 76th birthday. I lost a college friend to a tragic motorcycle accident in late June and once again was reminded of my own mortality.

In late July, my mom's health issues became worse and after a brief hospitalization, it was determined that she had stage 4 abdominal cancer. Six days after her diagnosis, she died.

This began the most devastating time of my 45 years. The loss of someone's mother is always sad, but when it is YOUR mother, you just really don't know what to do. Your mom is your first love. She is the one who is your biggest fan and now she was gone. It's only been 3 1/2 months since she died in August, and I am getting better every day. There are some days I miss her terribly and other days I laugh when I see something that reminds me of her.

But there is one thing I know for sure. If it wasn't for my heart attack and subsequent quadruple bypass surgery one year ago, I wouldn't have survived the stress of losing my mother. My family would have been dealing with both her death and my death.

One of the most important things I've learned from this past 365 days is the kindness of friends and strangers. If it wasn't for friends (a hell of a lot of them), our family wouldn't have been able to get all of our belongings moved into our home (I had my heart attack on moving day). I also realize the importance of a kind word, a hand-written note or even an e-mail or Facebook message when someone has lost a loved one. We received notes and cards from people I haven't seen or heard of in 20+ years after my mom died. I'm now a note writer and have written several to people since these events.

Although we've had one hell of a year, I'm thankful for what happened one year ago today. It proved that I can survive a heart attack and heart surgery and I can survive life without my mom. It really sucks many days, but it is really good many more days.

Bring on the next 365!

What I've Learned About Life from my Mother's Death.

My mother died almost three weeks ago.

As I've gone through life this past three weeks without her, I've cried, laughed, gotten angry, been sad and been grateful for the love she had for all of us.

She lived a full life and was only sick for about a week before her death at age 76. As her "baby," I was the youngest of her three children and had the privilege of being loved and nurtured by her for 45 years. I was a "pill baby" born in the 60s and she often referred to me as "the best mistake she and Dad ever made."

Mom lived for her husband, my dad, and her kids, grand kids and great-grand kids. I don't think she ever knew a stranger and would gladly talk to anyone about her family. She always had a picture in her purse of a grandchild and always had a story to tell about any of us kids and her grandbabies.

She was a very talented artist, specializing in folk arts and crafts. She and dad made thousands of handicrafts and went to hundreds if not thousands of arts and craft shows. I always remember her walking at various lakes and ponds that she and dad were fishing at looking for pieces of driftwood that she would paint Santa Claus faces on and sell at craft shows. She could paint, sew, decorate beautiful cakes, cook and make anyone feel at home in her home.

I remember as a child she would decorate cakes. She would make beautiful frosting roses on pop bottle caps fastened to nails in a wooden board (something my Grandpa Fox had created for her). She would take those flowers and make gorgeous cakes for many people's birthdays, anniversaries, weddings and other special occasions.

She was a gracious host. Our house was always open to friends and family and there was always something good to eat on the kitchen counter - especially when we got home from school. Homemade long johns, cakes and cookies were normal at our house. When she and Dad had retired and they volunteered for the American Legion and Legion Ladies Auxiliary, they were the ones always making soup, ice cream or baked goods for the many fundraisers they had.

I know there will be thousands of times I will miss her, but especially at Christmas. For the past 25 or so years, she has made each one of us kids a homemade angel Christmas tree ornament. Each one is different. Some years we each got one and other years she would make a set of three for each of us three kids. She also used her sewing talents to handmake a doll and doll quilt each year for each of her granddaughters. Each year a new doll. My 21 year old niece has 21 of those dolls! My 10 year old daughter, Grace has 10.

Another Christmas tradition that will live on forever in our family is our Christmas stockings. When my older brother and sister were little (in the 1960s), she made personalized stockings out of felt for her, Dad and my brother and sister. When I came along in 1969, there was one for me, too. As we became adults and got married, our spouses each received a personalized stocking, and as each grandchild was born, a new stocking was crafted. Each year at Christmas, she made sure that each stocking was filled with special gifts for each person, along with an orange in the toe.

I'll miss that.

I'll miss her smile, her laugh and some of her other quirky habits. I'll miss her love of cinnamon bears and clove-flavored candy.

I'll miss her "Watch for Rudolph" warning when we were leaving her house after dark to go home, reminding us to watch out for deer on the Kansas highways.

When she was diagnosed with Stage 4 abdominal cancer (they believe it started in the pancreas) just one week before her death, she took the news gracefully. We talked about how she wanted to handle the situation and she took it head on. She said she didn't want to sit in a dark corner and feel sorry for herself. When the oncologist visited with her the day we got the diagnosis, he was amazed that she hadn't been in severe pain for several months (based on the degree of how the cancer had spread to many of her organs.)

She was a very lucky woman to have gotten a stage 4 cancer diagnosis and was gone in a week. Yes, the cancer diagnosis was a complete shock and then her sudden deterioration and death was another shock, but once again, my mom handled this gracefully. She talked about her living will with us and that she didn't want any extraordinary measures to prolong her life. She knew she had a terminal diagnosis and also knew she was loved by all of us. As we looked through the safe deposit box a few days after her death, we all felt comforted when we read her living will. We made all of her end-of-life decisions just the way she had directed.

Although it was heartbreaking and the hardest thing I've ever lived through, I'm so glad I got to be there for the last 10 days of her life. I got to witness the true love and devotion of her and my dad. Married for 57 years, my mom and dad breathed the same air for a majority of their lives. The love and dedication my dad showed to Mom in that last week was amazing. After only two nights in the hospital, he moved out of his hotel room and stayed by her bedside for the rest of her hospitalization. He was there in the middle of the night when she would wake up disoriented and upset and would be the one to stroke her arm and whisper reassurances to her that she was ok.

The last 24 hours of my mom's life on earth was so surreal to me. It was the first time in probably 30 years that just the five us - Mom, Dad, my sister, brother and I - were together alone without spouses and children as a nuclear family. We spent those hours in her hospital room and shared stories, favorite songs and just time together.

So what have I learned in the last three weeks?

I've learned that the love of a mother is the strongest love a child can feel. When she's gone, there are other people who love you, but nobody can replace that love of a mother for her child and the love of a child for his mother. My heart aches, but it is also filled with joy that she was a Christian and is in Heaven with God, free of cancer's evil hold. She's surrounded by my grandparents and her grandparents looking down on all of us - surrounding us with her love.

I've learned that nothing lasts forever, including your parents' lives.

I've felt the pain and heartache that my own wife felt just four short years ago when her mother died suddenly. But I've also felt the love and support that my wife has provided me as she knows the pain I'm feeling.

I've also learned that support from friends and family is very important to get you through these rough spots in life. The day we got my mom's cancer diagnosis, I got in touch with a few of my closest friends from college to let them know I would be needing their support as we went through this next stage of life. Each one of them offered their support and we talked many times that week. The night my mother died, I had a 2 1/2 hour drive home and I was able to talk to each one of them as I drove home. Each one cried right along with me. I knew they hurt right along with me as I was processing how I was going to live without my mother.

I've learned not to take anything for granted.

Ten days before my mother's death, I had no idea how much time we had with her.

I'm glad I got to spend time with her.

I'm glad I was picked by God to be her son. She taught me so much about life.

Andy's Ribs

I love to cook. I love to eat.

I love to cook and eat these ribs.

Now, if you don't like sweet, messy ribs then just leave this page now. These ribs are awesome!

Here's the scoop on how to make them.

You'll need two racks of pork baby back ribs and this cast of characters for the rub.

Brown Sugar
Your favorite BBQ spice/rub
Chili Powder
Cinnamon
Garlic Powder
Onion Powder
Black Pepper

I start with about a half cup of the bbq spice/rub and then add about a cup of brown sugar. Then let your creativity and your nose be your guide. A little bit of this and that from the cast of characters. Mix it up and then rub it all over the ribs. When you are done, they will look like this.

Now here's the skinny on these ribs. They have a rub on them and then you soak them in apple juice. Yes, apple juice. Put the ribs you've rubbed all this sweet spicy mixture all over into a roasting pan and then pour some apple juice about half-way up the pan.

Once you've poured the apple juice into the pan, put the lid on and let these babies sit in the fridge for an hour or so. I went and worked out during this time so I could prepare my body for this rib fest. I'm glad I did!

After about an hour in the apple juice soak, turn the oven on to 300 degrees. When the oven is at temperature, pop those ribs in.

Let them cook at 300 for about 2 1/2 hours. The apple juice will be boiling and those ribs will enjoy their time in this sweet and savory hot tub. When you pull them out of the oven, they'll look like this.

Now it's time to head outside to the grill. But before we do that, we'll need to make the sauce. Yes, these babies deserve their own sauce with its own cast of characters.

Apple Juice

Honey

Honey style BBQ sauce

Heinz 57 sauce

Peach Preserves

In a small mixing bowl, pour about half the bottle of BBQ sauce in and then add about 2 tablespoons of Heinz 57 and 2 tablespoons of honey. Take about 1/2 to 1 cup of the peach preserves and put in a microwave safe bowl. Microwave for about 30 seconds to a minute until it is hot, bubbly and almost liquid. Pour those preserves into the sauce mixture and then add a couple tablespoons of apple juice. Mix it together and wait until it is time to take the ribs out to the grill.

 Pop the ribs on a hot grill so they can finish cooking out here. Turn them over a couple of times to get some good grill marks and some crustiness on this awesome apple juice infused pork.

When they are about done, it's time to put some of that delicious sauce on them and let that bake in for a few minutes...

When everything is hot and bubbly, bring those suckers in and enjoy!!!

Living With A Chronic Disease Sucks. Dealing With A Large Insurance Company Sucks Harder!

I was diagnosed with Type I Diabetes in 1984, when I was in my early years of high school. Back then, it was called Juvenile Diabetes and I had all of the classic symptoms: extreme weight loss, extreme thirst, fatigue, frequent urination and a fruity smell on my breath.

What caused my Diabetes? We'll never know exactly, but poor genetics and just pure "luck". When someone is diagnosed with Type I Diabetes, the body starts attacking itself and the pancreas is the battleground. My pancreas stopped producing insulin and my body suffered.

In the past 30 years, I've been a good diabetic and a not-so-good diabetic. I've taken control of this disease many times and it has taken control of me many more. I've had periods of very tight blood glucose control and periods of rebellion against this shitty disease and my body has suffered from it.

Diabetes affects the blood vessels in your body, especially the teeny-tiny ones in some very important parts: your eyes, your kidneys, your heart and your limbs. I was diagnosed with Proliferative Diabetic Retinopathy in the late 1990s - just as I was in the process of getting married. I have had many eye surgeries to repair the damage caused by this silent disease. No, I didn't have LASIK - I have hundreds of laser burns on my retinas to stop the growth of new blood vessels on in my eye. I've had invasive surgery in both eyes (yes, they cut open my eye, placed microscopic tools in there and repaired part of the damage) and at age 40, I had cataract surgery in both eyes. The eye surgeries in the 90s increased my risk for early-stage cataracts. Once again, I am so thankful for wonderful doctors who have the talent and skill to help me see.

In 2013, I had a heart attack and had quadruple bypass surgery to repair the damage that diabetes has had on my heart. When my surgeon visited me after looking at the results from my heart cath, she told me that I had a very strong heart muscle, but my arteries were just shot after living with diabetes for 30 years. My arteries had blockages between 60% and 99%. When your blood sugars are high, your cholesterol and triglycerides are high. This causes plaque buildup in your arteries.

Thankfully, I have had no major problems with my kidneys. But I know that without tight control, I could suffer kidney damage in the future. That's what leads me to this rant.

In 2008, I was lucky enough to be approved for an insulin pump. The development of insulin pumps has greatly improved in the past 30 years (the first ones were introduced about the time I was diagnosed in the early 1980s) and the costs are "manageable" by insurance coverage. Most insulin pumps are covered under a 4-year warranty, as mine was. In 2012, my insulin pump went out of warranty and my wife and I decided to keep our fingers crossed and not replace it. Even with insurance coverage, it is about a $2,000 out-of-pocket expense. I have taken great care to make sure it functions normally, because it helps me maintain control of this disease.

After my heart surgery, I had to start taking a medication for my heart that affects how I react to hypoglycemia - also known as an insulin reaction or low blood sugar. With my new medication, my body doesn't automatically recognize that my blood sugar is dropping too low. Normally, when having hypoglycemia, my body's adrenaline glands kick in and it alerts me to the low blood sugar (especially in the middle of the night when I am asleep). With this new medication to keep my heart healthy, my body doesn't do this. One night when I was still in the hospital, my blood sugar dropped to 20, which is very dangerous. Because of the new medication, I didn't wake up and realize my blood sugar was dropping.

Because of this latest development, my primary physician, my diabetes specialist and I have decided that a new insulin pump with a continuous glucose monitor would be the best treatment of my diabetes. This combination of pump/CGM would stop delivering insulin in the case of hypoglycemia and would also help me keep a tighter control of my overall blood sugars.

We filled out the forms, had the doctor provide information how it was medically necessary for me to have this new technology to treat my chronic disease. The insurance company (who had just processed the multiple claims from my open-heart surgery) decided it wasn't. They denied my claim and said it wasn't medically necessary.

Here is an example of a patient who wants to take control of his disease which will lower his chances of developing any more life-threatening complications (kidney failure, amputation, etc) with a FDA-approved device that will help me keep a tighter control of this disease, but the insurance company doesn't want to pay for it.

Wouldn't they want to help me with preventative treatment of this chronic disease and lower the risk of me developing additional complications from this disease in the future? Wouldn't they pay for a new pump with CGM instead of dialysis or kidney transplant in the future? How about another heart surgery?

We have filed an appeal to my claim and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that with additional information they will come to their senses and approve this. I want to live to watch my children grow. I want to be a productive member of society. I want to have a decent quality of life.

All I want is a new insulin pump with continuous glucose monitoring!

Just Keep Swimming!

It struck me this morning as I was trying to catch my breath while I clung to the edge of the pool.

My kids are pretty damned good athletes!

To know that they willingly (most of the time) go to swim practice and swim pretty much nonstop for 90 minutes with a coach hovering over them makes me pretty proud of them!

I got back in the pool for the first time this morning since my surgery. I've always been a "good" swimmer, but never a top athlete. I learned to swim the summer I turned three when my mom managed the Logan Municipal Pool. The lifeguards took me under their wings and taught me to swim. I spent every day of every summer at that pool. I'm sure I drove each and every lifeguard crazy through the years.

Swimming is a hard sport. It uses different muscles in different ways than other sports do. You use your entire body against the resistance of the water. There were lots of muscles that I used this morning that I haven't used in lots of time and I'm going to be using them some more.

Plus, when I get out of the pool, I can slip on over to the hot tub for a few minutes of stretching and relaxing!

Me? A Fitness Freak?

Hello.

My name is Andy and I like to exercise.

Yes, it's true. Six months ago, you would have never heard me say that sentence. NEVER. I have never liked to exercise. When I was little, I loved to swim, but it was mostly about playing in the water and socializing at the pool. Not about fitness.

In PE class at school, I used every excuse to get out of that day's physical activity. Usually the only C on my report card was in PE. Yes, I got Cs in PE. (the only D I ever got was in shop class, but that is a whole 'nother story!)

Since my open-heart surgery, I went through six weeks of Cardiac Rehab at HaysMed. It's part of the whole experience after surgery at the DeBakey Heart Institute of Kansas and it has changed how I look at life.

Before my surgery, exercise was something that I thought only fitness freaks did. I didn't truly comprehend and realize the health benefits associated with a true exercise plan (especially for those of us over 40).

It makes me feel better, both physically and emotionally. Those endorphins are just going crazy in my brain after an hour of working out. I feel like I could conquer the world after a good workout - and my workouts aren't anything too much off the charts. I do some simple cardio (treadmill, bike and some demon-machine that is like an elliptical, but not quite as demon-like) and then about 15-20 minutes of weight lifting.

Pretty good for a overweight, out-of-shape, 44-year-old who had heart surgery about 2 1/2 months ago. Initially, I lost weight, but now I've gained weight, but my belly is shrinking. Yes, I'm gaining muscle (and muscle weighs more than fat). I'm wearing clothes I haven't worn in years and I'm liking it!

I know it is a slow process, but I hope this new habit is one that sticks for the rest of my life. It makes me feel too damned good to quit now!

Week 52 - Always a Good One

The week between Christmas and New Years has been a good one in regards to bringing children into our family.

December 31, 1999 • While the world was celebrating Y2K, we did some celebrating of our own and found out about six weeks later that Jackson would be arriving sometime in early September. He was born August 29, 2000 (three weeks early).

December 26-31, 2003 • Lots of discussions between Dana and I took place this week about international adoption. We searched websites, made phone calls and did some deep soul searching. Could we really do this? I think we only had $50 in the savings account, but with lots of prayer, soul searching, researching and a little bit of craziness, we took a HUGE leap of faith and started the paperwork to bring Gracie home to the USA. Little did we know that our little girl wasn't even born yet, but God had us started on the journey to get her. We applied for copies of our birth certificates and marriage certificate on December 30, 2003.

December 30, 2007 • We got the call from the adoption agency that we'd been waiting for — travel approval from the Chinese government to go to China to pick up DangHui - aka Gabriel Stanton. It was a fast and furious couple of weeks of final paperwork and travel itineraries, but we left for China in late January 2008 and came home with Gabe in early February.

Thankfully, there are no more additions to the Stanton clan, but I always enjoy this week between Christmas and New Years. This time of year brings great memories - and has an important part of each one of our children's life story.

Goodbye to 2013

It's the end of the year and many people are looking back at the past year and looking forward to the upcoming 365 days. I guess I'll jump on the bandwagon and wax philosophically a bit about this changing of the calendar from one year to another.

The last 365 days have had their ups and downs in our family. We've been to many soccer games, swim meets and music programs. We've dealt with various crises you have in a family with a teenager, an almost 10 year old and an 8 year old. We've celebrated 75th birthdays of both my parents and we've moved from one house to another.

2013 was a year of reflection for me - especially the last six weeks of the year - after my open heart surgery. I've realized how fragile life is and that how lucky I am to have been given a second chance at continuing my ride on this third planet from the sun. I could have easily dropped dead from a heart attack, but luckily, had the sense enough to tell my wife I didn't quite feel right and she took me to the ER. In my recovery from surgery, I've realized a few things:

• Cherish your friends and family. During our experience in November, we had many friends and family help us out in many ways. Whether it was helping us move our earthly goods from one house to another, bringing over a meal, an offer to watch the kids, a $20 bill in a get well card or a prayer from far away, we appreciated everyone of them.
  
• Be thankful for where you live. I feel so lucky to live in a community that has the benefits of a big city with the simplicity of a small-town. We have medical professionals who choose to live in a rural setting, but practice big-city medicine. I was able to have an advanced surgical procedure less than one mile away from my home. My wife and family did not have to travel hundreds of miles to be with me during my hospitalization.
  
• Sometimes life doesn't happen the way you have it planned. We've dealt with some things this year that we definitely weren't planning on doing the way it happened, but we all survived.
  
• Don't sweat the small stuff. I've looked pretty closely at some of the things I was doing a year ago and am evaluating if they are necessary. Some are, some aren't. I'll be saying "no" more often this year to some requests and saying "yes" to others. It's not because the ones I'm saying no to aren't worthwhile, there are some other items that need my attention a bit more.

As we look at a new year, I hope each and everyone of you evaluate what you are doing, how you are living, how you are loving and how you are interacting with your fellow human being. 

Happy 2014. I'm looking forward to another trip around the sun!

A Few Things I've Learned in the Last Month

Four weeks ago I was laying in a bed in the ICU of the DeBakey Heart Institute of Kansas at HaysMed, recovering from quadruple heart bypass surgery. Here are a few things I've learned in the past 28 days.

1. General anesthesia and I really don't get along. Sometime in the middle of the night after surgery I vomited. This isn't fun when you have had your chest cracked open earlier in the day plus having a breathing tube shoved down your throat. I should have remembered this tidbit of info from when I had my appendix taken out in the early 1980s. I woke up vomiting in the middle of the night after that surgery, too.

2. It takes a special person to be a nurse. From the moment I walked into the ER at HaysMed to the moment I was discharged from the DeBakey Heart Institute of Kansas at HaysMed, I was amazed at the quality of human beings who served my every need as the nursing staff. These men and women answered my endless questions, laughed at my horrible jokes, soothed my worries, took care of my pains, shaved me from head to toe, helped me go to the bathroom, made me comfortable so I could sleep, listened to me talk about my wife and kids, and were in my room at the ring of a buzzer - all with a smile on their faces. I am amazed at how each and every one of them totally focused on me and my needs - especially when they are working 12 hour shifts and caring for multiple patients. They are my heroes.

3. The Glenn Fox sneeze is about ready to kill me. My Grandpa Fox had a sneeze that could be heard for miles. It wasn't one of those little wimpy sneezes that some people have that you wonder what they are doing. These sneezes would rock the shutters on the house. I inherited those sneezes. When I sneeze, you know it. Now couple that obnoxious sneeze with a sternum that is trying to heal and you get some pretty intense chest discomfort every time you sneeze. I'm just glad I still have my heart pillow to hold on to when the feeling comes.

I'm sure I'll have more observations. These are on the top of my mind today.

A God Moment

Here's a picture of Fr. Daryl Olmstead giving my daughter, Grace a hug after Mass this morning. Today was the first time Grace had participated as an Altar Server in Mass.

Right after taking the photo, I gave Fr. Daryl my own big bear hug. He has had the knack of coming into my life at a wide variety of times - at just the right time. I first met him when I was growing up in Logan and he was the new young Catholic priest. We weren't Catholic, but in such a small town with a large number of Catholic families, I ended up going to youth activities and even church with many of my friends.

He was the priest who baptized my sister into the Catholic faith when I was in Junior High.

He was the priest who officiated at my high school classmate's funeral a few years ago and it was so nice to see such a familiar face and hear a soothing voice from behind the pulpit at the funeral.

When my wife decided she wanted to join the Catholic church and then we decided to raise our children in the Catholic faith, her church of choice was St. Nick's in Hays - where Fr. Daryl is the priest.

Now, I'm not Catholic. I was baptized about 10 years ago in the Methodist church and I'm fine with my faith as I sit in Mass as a non-Catholic. But God keeps bringing Fr. Daryl back to me and that's where my story ties into my open-heart surgery.

Four weeks ago today, I was sitting in a hospital bed at the DeBakey Heart Institute of Kansas and it had finally hit me. I had experienced a heart attack the previous day and I was going to have open heart surgery tomorrow.

Open heart surgery! They were going to crack open my chest, cut my sternum in half, take a vein out of my leg, cut it up in pieces and sew it around my heart.

My parents, my sister and Dana had all been there that morning for my heart cath procedure and would return again tomorrow (along with my brother and brother-in-law) for my surgery. Dana was still trying to get all of the stuff settled in our new home and said she would be back sometime early evening.

But I was having my meltdown now. I realized that, yes, I was going to have a life-changing surgery in less than 24 hours and I was scared to death. I called the house and Gracie answered, seeing my name on the caller ID. She was all excited about talking to Daddy on the phone, but I needed my wife. By the time Dana got to the phone, I was hysterical and in tears. "I need you to come out here, now," I pleaded to her. She said that she was leaving right now.

As I hung up the phone and looked up at the foot of my bed, there he was. Fr. Daryl was just standing there with a smile and simultaneous look of concern. He was the person I needed to have in my room right then and there. I remember him dragging over a chair next to my bed and just sat and talked to me in that soft, soothing voice. I told him in the same sentence about my irrational fears and my rational knowledge that my heart was strong and my doctor said I was the perfect candidate for this surgery.

They still were going to cut me open!!!!!

He did what he does best. He listened. He calmed my fears. And in a few minutes, in walked Dana and he calmed both of our fears. Then he prayed with us and blessed me with holy water. I joked with him that I was concerned it might mix with the Methodist oils my Uncle Dink had anointed me with earlier in the afternoon. He laughed and said, "No, it shouldn't burn!" and we all had a good laugh.

Although I'm not Catholic, I'm blessed that I have Fr. Daryl in my life. He has been a spiritual influence to me throughout the years and God keeps bringing us together. I guess God knows what he is doing!

I Had a Heart Attack at 44

Three weeks ago I had a heart attack. It wasn't the big, dramatic heart attack like you see on TV or the movies. We were moving that November Saturday morning and I was running around the house unhooking the washer and dryer and then had taken my two youngest kids beds apart. As I was sitting on my son's bedroom floor, unscrewing his bed, I realized that I was out of breath, had some discomfort in my chest and had sweat through my t-shirt by 8:30 a.m. Something wasn't quite right.

My wife had already loaded our mini-van with boxes and had taken the load to the new house when all of this was happening. When she got home, I was headed out to the moving van to see if there was a dolly in it or if we needed to go borrow one from my office. As she pulled up into the drive way, I told her that "I just didn't feel very good," and that I wasn't sure why...  We got in the van to head to my office to borrow the dolly for the weekend and I still had the discomfort in my chest and it wasn't going away. I had caught my breath and was no longer sweating, but this lingering feeling on the left side of my chest was still there, nagging me.

Like I said earlier, it wasn't a tragic, sharp pain that makes you fall to the ground. This was just a little nagging discomfort. Have you ever had a potato chip stuck in your throat? That little nagging discomfort that drives you crazy? Yes, that one. That's the feeling I had, except it wasn't in my throat - it was on the left side of my chest.

Back to the trip to the office...

After leaving my office, we were driving by the local grocery store and I asked my wife to pull in there and we would check my blood pressure at the pharmacy (our blood pressure cuff was packed away in some box at the house). The numbers weren't good: 142/104 the first time and then 140/98 the second time. We stopped and talked to a friend of ours for a few minutes and then got back into the van. My wife and I talked about what we thought we should do. Being a typical man, I thought I would just be OK and I would "take it easy" during the moving process - yeah right.

As we were headed back to our house, my wife didn't turn down our street. "Where are you going?" I asked as she went right on down the street. "I'm taking you to the ER," she said matter-of-factly. Really? The ER? It was 9:45 a.m. and we had college students lined up to head to the house at 10 a.m. to help move and we didn't want to lose this valuable help. So I convinced my wife to just drop me off at the ER and to head back home. I would give her a call in about an hour when they had checked me out.

When you walk into the ER on a Saturday morning and the waiting room is full, you think "Oh joy, I'll be waiting for at least until SNL comes on tonight..." But a magic thing happens when you put "chest discomfort" on the slip of paper that has your symptoms on it and had it to the receptionist. You move straight to the top of the list! I hadn't been sitting down for a minute when they called my name and took me directly to a room. I guess they meant business.

The intake nurse was awesome. After listening to me talk a few minutes about my symptoms and the fact that I've had diabetes for 30 years, he got things rolling with an EKG and blood tests AND I actually got to see the ER doctor in a relatively short amount of time. The nurse told me that I definitely made the right decision on coming to the hospital. He said there are three categories of people who don't have the typical heart attack symptoms: women, the elderly and diabetics. Well, I am definitely not a woman and don't think I'm elderly, but I have been dealing with the Big D since I was in high school (that was just a few years ago, right?) and although many of these past 30 years I've been in good control of my blood sugars, there were many years when I felt I was bullet-proof and didn't give a damn about blood sugar control (but that's a whole 'nother blog post in itself).

The EKG came back normal (whew!) and then we just had to wait for the blood tests to come back. After about an hour (and some children's chewable aspirin) my blood pressure came back down and I was pretty relaxed. Just waiting on those blood tests. After about an hour, the ER doctor came back in and said that with my family history, my diabetes history and various other factors, he wanted to check me in for 24 hours of test and observations. Ok, I thought. Better safe than sorry. You know, I've been wanting to have that stress test, but just kept forgetting to schedule it - yeah, right!

Well, the blood tests finally came back and they said that my heart enzymes that show up after a heart attack were within the normal range. Whew! I didn't have a heart attack... but they still wanted to observe and do tests. Ok, I thought.

I put out a Facebook call for help to our friends to help out with the moving process, since I was going to be sitting in a hospital bed for the next day. Thankfully, they came in droves and helped get that job done. My wife called several times through these two hours checking on my status and when I told her I was going to spend the night, she took it like a trooper...

Upon checking into the Debakey Heart Instuite at HaysMed, I got to have more blood drawn and another EKG. No biggie - except I have HORRIBLE veins and am a phlebotomist's WORST nightmare. They dug and dug and dug some more throughout the day and took several vials of blood for more and more tests. Well guess what, the second and third blood tests revealed the enzymes that indicated a heart attack.

Heart attack? I had a heart attack?

There's no way in hell that I could have a heart attack. I'm only 44! I have three kids under the age of 13 and I don't plan on leaving this world before they give me grandchildren (and I definitely don't need grandkids at this age).

After the cardiologist left my room, I kind of set in a stupor for awhile, but then realized that I was definitely in the right place. My wife and our friends were wrapping up the moving for the day and when my wife came to visit that evening I had to tell her the news. Yes, I had a minor heart attack, but the doctors all felt I would be fine.

I told myself that this hospital bed was way more comfortable than the cold marble slab at the mortician's office... and that's how I got myself get though the first few hours of realizing my life would be forever changed.

I had a heart attack at 44.

The Roast

The Roast is in the crock pot.

Yes, I refer to it now as just The Roast.

I first happened upon this bit of heaven on Pinterest last fall. I pinned it into the Supper category thinking it might be different, but good. The original Pinner called it a Mississippi Roast. I have no idea if it originated in the southern state with way too many double consonants in its name, but I do know one thing....

This is the best roast!

In January 2013, my wife and son and I began a new eating regime (I just hate using the word 'diet' - it has such a negative connotation). D & J are on a structured plan through a local nutritionist and I followed along (but am not participating in the various products they are required to eat). Since I'm a person with Type I Diabetes using an insulin pump, I decided to not do the product, but just eat healthier and really watch my carbs (and it is working!).

When they came home the first day, I asked what all it entailed.....

Low Carbs.
High Protien.
Very Little Dairy.
and lots and lots of vegetables!

I immediately thought of this roast recipe I had pinned last fall. With a few modifications, it works well into our new eating plan and we've made it several times (and have eaten every bit of it!)

I modified the original recipe by cutting down on the butter. With the three tablespoons it has, I can't imagine what it would taste like with an entire stick of butter!!!

Here we go!

The Roast
1 bottom round beef roast (the one in the photos is 2.5 lbs)
1 package of dry ranch dressing mix (can you believe the store brand is only 69 cents and Hidden Valley is $2.00 for the EXACT SAME THING?)
1 package of Au Jus gravy mix
3 tablespoons of REAL butter
5-6 Pepperocini peppers

Put the roast in the crock pot (fat side down). Empty the ranch mix on the roast. Empty the au jus mix on the roast. Put the peppers and the butter on top. Cook on low in the crock pot all day.

That's it. Yes, that's it!

Hope I remember to take a pic of it when it is done this evening before we all go crazy for it!

LUNCHTIME UPDATE

Went home at lunch to check on the beauty and this is how she looks!

SUPPERTIME UPDATE

Came home from work and it was ready!!!!!

Scrabble Inspired Christmas Gift

Ok folks! Would you like to have a personalized wall hanging for Christmas? 

Now taking orders for these SCRABBLE inspired prints with your family information. Final print is 11x14 or 11x17 (depending on how many names you have). $25 for 11x14 (unframed) and $30 for 11x17 (unframed). No guarantees that I can put all names together, but will try my best (and at least have two groupings of names). Additional costs for shipping.

 E-mail me for more details.

27/365 - 10,912

This morning, I was fortunate enough to be the spokesperson for the Fly Hays Marketing Committee at a press conference. I've been a member of the committee for the past 1 1/2 years and we were celebrating 10,912 boardings in 2011. This is a HUGE accomplishment for our small airport. By reaching 10,000 boardings in a year, our airport is eligible for $1,000,000 in federal aviation grants.

It was a fun morning and we had a great time celebrating! As the jingle says, "Fly Out, Fly In, Fly Hays!"

Homemade Bierocks

Homemade Bierocks

Living in northwest Kansas in the Volga-German community of Hays, there are plenty of occasions to eat bierocks throughout the year. My favorites though, are the ones we make in our own kitchen.

Here's the recipe:

Dough:

Any homemade bread dough recipe or frozen bread rolls (we use either Kroger or Rhodes frozen dinner roll dough). This recipe makes about 15-17 bierocks, using two "rolls" of dough for each one, so you want to thaw and rise 30-34 frozen rolls.

Filling:

3 lbs of hamburger

1 medium onion, chopped.

1 medium head of cabbage, chopped.

salt/pepper to taste (I use lots of black pepper in mine)

Velveeta slices (if you like yours with cheese).

Brown hamburger and onions. Salt and pepper the meat/onion mixture liberally. Drain the fat from the meat. Add chopped cabbage and cook until cabbage is wilted and cooked through. Remove from heat.

Grab two rolls worth of bread dough and roll out on a floured surface until it is about 1/4 inch thick. If using cheese, place 1/2 slice of cheese in the middle of the dough. Place a couple of spoonfuls of meat/cabbage mixture in middle of dough. Gather edges up and pinch together. Place seam/pinch side down on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper (how in the world do people bake without parchment paper? I think it is one of science's greatest gifts to cooking).

Bake at 350 for about 20 minutes until browned.

This recipe will get you about 15-17 bierocks. The freeze fantastic!

Ponderings on my 41st year

Well, there's one more day in my 41st year on the planet. I guess it's time to sit and think "out loud" about the past year. We've had good times and not-so-good times in our family these past 364 days. Here's the Readers Digest version....

New Job
Just 10 days before my 41st birthday, I started full time at my current job, which I completely LOVE. It was a very good decision to leave teaching and go back into the advertising/marketing industry full time. I'm glad I taught - it was something I always wanted to do (and I still enjoy facilitating workshops and other trainings), but I really missed the day-to-day "chaos" of putting together marketing/advertising/public relations campaigns and being involved in the community.

New Friendships
I've gotten involved in various committees around town since taking the new job and have made some great friends in the meantime. So glad to have met these people and I look forward to working with them to help our community grow.

Loss of Family
In August of last year, we lost Dana's mom. She had been having some "rough" spots in her health, but her death was completely unexpected and pretty much turned our family upside down. I miss her dearly but I can see on a daily basis how her loving influence on my wife will live forever. Carol's death really shook up Jackson and we had a rough few months in school and at home (and we're still working on things with him), but again, I see how Carol's love for her grandchildren created such lasting memories for all of them.

In late December, Dana's uncle suddenly died. Here we were, back at a family funeral in Dana's hometown just four short months after we buried her mom. Again, I grieved with this family I've known for only 13 years. But we also celebrated the life of Bill and his lasting legacy in his siblings, children, grandchildren and even great-grandchildren.

On my 42nd birthday, I will attend the funeral of a cousin who grew up just a couple blocks from me in our hometown. She was nine years my senior, so we weren't playmates growing up, but as adults had enjoyed many conversations at family gatherings. Our entire family and our small hometown will mourn her death for years to come, but we must also look at the lives she touched with her humor and compassion and make sure it lives on. Crystal, you will be missed!

A New Home
This spring, Dana and I decided it was time that we "spread out" a bit and find a larger home. We had been cramped into a small house for more than five years and had one more child in the house than when we bought it in 2005. We found a perfect home for us where each child has their own room and we can live for many years to come. We moved in over Easter weekend and are really enjoying our new neighborhood.

Expanding Horizons
This spring I've been fortunate enough to be a part of the 2011 Leadership Hays class and I've learned quite a bit about myself, my community, my company and how we all can work together to make our community stronger. I also got to take part in a three-day workshop conducted by the Kansas Leadership Center on building stronger communities. It was a great experience and I'm looking forward to expanding this knowledge in the future.

Dana and I celebrated our 12th wedding anniversary less than a month ago. I can't believe it's been 12 years since we married. We've helped one another through many obstacles and had many victories. And who would have ever thought 12 years ago that I would find the love of my life, she would give me a beautiful son and then convince me (twice) that yes, it was possible for us to bring home a beautiful child from the other side of the world?

These life experiences have shaped me to who I am, now almost 42 years old. I'm thankful for each and every one of those and I'm looking forward to what comes next.

I just wonder if at 42 I have twice the wisdom of a 21 year old???????

Resurrecting the blog

It's been over a year since my last post on here. Yes, I've been busy, and really shouldn't have neglected the blog, but lots of other things always seem to get in the way.

In the past year, I've quit one job and took another job, we've moved into a much bigger home, and there's been lots of things going on with our family.

As I approach my 42nd birthday this week, I'm looking forward to another trip around the sun and hope to be more diligent in writing and sharing ideas!

Gracie and Jack - 4 years ago.....

Trip to China

I can't believe it's been five years since we were in China to pick up our little angel, Gracie!!! Here's the link to our travel journal.


Trip to China

Trying out http://posterous.com

I'm checking out http://posterous.com tonight to see just how it works. Looks pretty simple!!!

Andy Stanton
andystanton69@gmail.com

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